


i have loved you since we were 15.

by idealisticoverthinker



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: !!, Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, But only a bit, Chwe Hansol | Vernon-centric, Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda?, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, i've just been so soft for verkwan recently, idk how to tag tbh, not really alternate then, not to the point where your heart starts to break, seventeen comeback!!!, solboo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idealisticoverthinker/pseuds/idealisticoverthinker
Summary: When Seungkwan takes a break from promotions and such due to an injury, Hansol hopes he doesn't take it too hardly on himself.He also hopes that one day, he'd be able to tell Seungkwan just how much he is in love with him.orverkwan confession because I am so whipped for the both of them (who isn't?)
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 7
Kudos: 78





	i have loved you since we were 15.

Hansol knows. He knows that the attachment he has to the elder is probably not just platonic. He knows that there’s something more—something burning—behind all the intimate, but accustomed touches between them, though he’s sure it’s only on his end. He knows that the longing stares he has for Seungkwan aren’t just him immensely concentrating on what he has to say. _Heck_ , even Seventeen's fans think that something is up. He’s seen the edits of moments where he’s let bits of this side of him come out. They think Hansol would risk it all for him and they’re not even wrong. He really would. After having stuck together through thick and thin since they met at fourteen, Hansol would risk many things for his best friend. And though he knows that Seungkwan’s feelings for him are more platonic than anything, he’s content with the fact that he knows Seungkwan in a way that nobody else does.

That’s why when Seungkwan reads out a comment saying “Verkwan is real”, Hansol takes this as a chance to tell his fans that it is ‘definitely real’. If Seungkwan were to never realise it, he’d at least allow Carats to speculate.

That’s why when Seungkwan calls him during a Vlive broadcast and, whilst in the middle of talking about SVT Club, suddenly throws out a “I like you too,”—probably to ambush Hansol and put him off—he returns with “So do I.” Seungkwan thinks he’s just saying that cause he’s live—”Sure.”—and Hansol is dying a little on the inside because oh how he wishes that he could tell Seungkwan that and have him believe him even just a little.

That’s why when after the live, and Seungkwan calls him again, he decides that it would be better to play along and pretend that he _did_ say it just for the live. It would be better than to create an awkward atmosphere between them, and that way he’d be able to keep playing this game of half-confessions as time goes on.

\---

That’s why during Left & Right promotions, he decides that he’s waited long enough, and thinks Seungkwan really shines this comeback, and wants him to know just how much Hansol loves him. He spots him backstage, by the water dispenser, and walks up to him. Halfway there, his throat dries up and his heart pounds against his chest with the power of a million horanghaes, and he finds himself unable to do what he wanted to, instead, startling Seungkwan as he puts his hands on his shoulders.

“Yah, you scared me!”

So Hansol is brought back to Earth as he sees Seungkwan’s angelic face and hears his angelic voice and only smiles amusingly, trying to avoid the playful punches he gets from the other.

“You’re so pretty, Kwannie~” And Seungkwan only hits him harder, laughing, and Hansol swears he could see the slightest rose tint on his face, which he lives for, though takes it just as embarrassment from his sudden compliment. 

Another time.

\---

That’s why when Seungkwan injures his ankle not too long after promotions ends, and has to take a break, Hansol worries for him, not just because he is injured, but also because he is afraid Seungkwan would beat himself up over it, just like during Hit. He knew Seungkwan’s dramatic reaction had become a running joke amongst the members, but it really pained Hansol to see him so apologetic and angry towards himself. He wished Seungkwan would be more self-assured.

After a day’s work of practice and preparation for the upcoming comebacks, Hansol decides to visit Seungkwan at the dorm. You’d think being at the dorm would mean they’d see each other enough already, but Hansol had been extremely busy working on songs, returning later and later each day. And it doesn’t help that Seungkwan seems to be avoiding him for some unknown reason, but Hansol can’t find the time or energy to dwell on and question it. 

Until he’s finally had enough. It’s not the first time, and he knows that it just has something to do with his injury, but it's been a fortnight with radio silence from him. There's more to it and Hansol knows, but he has been far too stressed lately to want to deal with such an irritating situation like this. Even though he has always been efficient at managing his emotions, he still doesn’t want to see Seungkwan at a time when he himself is in a bad mood, afraid of making even the slightest slip-up.

Hansol knocks on the door of Seungkwan’s room.

“Seungkwannie? Can I come in?”

He waits for a while and decides to enter after no response, finding Seungkwan in his bed under the covers. Hansol doubts he’s asleep, and thinks about sitting next to him, before settling with just standing where he is. “Hey.. can we talk?”

Silence.

“Please.. Seungkwan, I just want to know what’s wrong.”

... 

“...there’s nothing wrong,” he receives from a muffled voice.

Hansol sighs internally, slowly becoming exasperated. “Clearly there is. You’ve been avoiding me for the past two weeks now. And only me. Tell me what’s been going on.”

He sees the covers move and a head pops out as Seungkwan sits up. It’s then that Hansol notices that he’s been crying, and concern fills him and he wants to go over and hug him and tell him that it’s okay so badly, but instead he just stands there and _waits_.

“I.. Sorry I just- I’m just so sorry for disappointing you. I know that you h-hate it every time I get injured and I just feel so guilty and I wish that I could do better for everyone and you.."

Oh. It's because of him. Seungkwan thinks Hansol is disappointed in him when really all he's disappointed about is the fact that he can't stop the one he loves from tearing himself apart.

"..I really want to do better for you, Sol!" And with that, a tear drops and Seungkwan shrinks back into the safety of his blanket.

Hansol doesn't stay where he is any longer and goes to sit down next to him, finding his hands and intertwining them with his own.

"Seungkwan. I-I could never be disappointed with you. And I actually mean that. You already do so much for me and I wished I would've come to you earlier because you don't deserve this. I've just been really worried about you. Ever since your injury you've been really reserved and quiet. I'm sorry that you think I'm upset at you for it. I didn't know that I came out that way."

"W-wait why are you sorry? You have n-nothing to be sorry about." Seungkwan turns and faces Hansol with confusion.

"Neither do you," he softly returns with a reassuring smile, eyebrows raised with fading concern.

Seungkwan pauses before resting his head on his shoulder. "This is so stupid. I'm sorry," he chuckles out.

Hansol cups his face, lifting it up to look at him. "Hey, hey, it's not stupid. Your worries are completely valid."

"But I'm so dramatic about it." 

"That's what I love about you, Kwannie."

"That I'm dramatic?"

"That you're always so true to yourself."

Seungkwan laughs, and Hansol just fucking adores him and he looks otherworldly even with his puffy eyes and tear-stricken face and god does he wish he could kiss him until tears never come out again and--

Breathing out, Hansol returns to his composure and finds his hands in the other’s again, and they just sit there, looking at each other, smiling so fondly. At that moment, they settle in silence, hands interwoven, eyes in sync with each other. Hansol can feel Seungkwan's gentle, yet piercing gaze stripping his soul until there's nothing left but himself at its core. And then Hansol's breath hitches. He thought it seemed beyond hope to be loved back the way he loved him, and now that thought had begun to unravel and fall apart as Seungkwan just _seems_ to be longingly staring at Hansol. Could it be that..

_Take the chance._ Hansol finds that he doesn’t want to wait anymore, doesn’t want to keep pining over his best friend when he can find out right now the true meaning of the relationship they have. And he knows that this could go horribly, horribly wrong. But Seungkwan doesn’t seem to be backing down and he says _fuck it_ and with a surge of newfound courage, Hansol leans forward, taking once last regard for what he is about to do, before closing his eyes and putting his lips against the other’s. It feels so relieving but at the same time anxiety is pooling in his stomach just as he breaks it not long after. And Hansol really wants to open his eyes and meet Seungkwan’s own, he really does, but what was once courage has quickly turned into fear and he starts to wonder if he’s made a terrible mistake, and that pathetic amount of relief he had felt is nothing compared to the feeling of doom growing in him. He really doesn’t want to screw up what they have. Oh god, what if he’s fucked that up. Just because of a stupid, sudden impulse. 

“Sol? what... what was that?” Seungkwan’s strangled voice comes out. Hansol wants to answer, to tell him so many things—everything—but his voice is just gone and all that comes out is a choked sound, and he doesn’t know want to do because this is the first time he’s felt this way and it feels so off and awful and he hates the feeling because he’s so used to being straightforward and now he can’t even properly confess.

“Hansol!” He feels two hands shake him and he snaps out of it and sees Seungkwan’s eyes wide and glistening, filled with determination and.. hope. “Answer me. Please.” 

Hansol’s so tired, and half wishes that he was dreaming so he wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions. But he’s gone and kissed Boo Seungkwan and it’s not a dream, and all he wants is to say what he has been needing to say for seven whole years.

“..S-Seungkwan. I’m in love with you,” he barely whispers out. But Seungkwan hears him clearly and soon after, Hansol is returned back to moments ago, where he’s kissing him, except this time it feels so much better. His heart aches when it registers what this implies and Seungkwan’s lips are so soft and full and taste of coffee and orange. Sighing in alleviation, he can feel the other smiling into the kiss, hands brushing through his hair. He opens his mouth and warmth fills his chest when a tongue finds his own, and he finds himself being pushed back onto the bed. Hansol feels like he’s floating when Seungkwan’s hand grabs hold of his right cheek and kisses him deeper. 

Seungkwan pushes himself up, beaming and Hansol thanks the stars and thinks he looks so beautiful above him. Then he hears “I love you too. Maybe I always have.”, and Hansol thinks he just might cry, but instead he laughs, staring into Seungkwan’s eyes. Leaning up, he lightly pecks his lips before bringing Seungkwan back down with him, foreheads touching. And they just lay there, holding each other, neither of them truly believing what they have right now is real. 

The past two weeks had been a tumult of emotions for the both of them, but they wouldn’t change anything if it meant that this—that they—would’ve never happened.

> _I have loved you since we were eighteen_
> 
> _Long before we both thought the same thing_
> 
> _To be loved and to be in love_

**Author's Note:**

> hi lovely readers! this is my first (and probably only) fic on ao3 so please treat it kindly ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.° i have a really bad habit of sorta rushing scenes so I hope it hasn't shown through that much here. let me know if it does!! also apologies if the ending seems a bit bland(I'm not the best at them too). 
> 
> title and i guess fic as a whole inspired and motivated respectively by this one verkwan edit I saw on twt with 18 by 1d playing in the bg (thank you editor carat!!!)


End file.
